Overcoming the common parenting mistakes

Education Consultant, Joseph Driessen, who once taught at Whanganui High School, is often asked about good parenting tips. This article summarises his top ten parenting mistakes and how to overcome them.

1. Not keeping calm
   • It is only natural to get angry as a parent but we need to commit to a more peaceful approach – to walk away from an argument and then start again the next day.

2. Using extreme language
   • So easy to do but we need to keep our language moderate and constructive.

3. Focusing only on ‘bad’ behaviour
   • Joseph says “Coach, rather than criticize.”

4. Ignoring ‘good’ behaviour
   • Focus in on your child’s strengths and weaknesses and the child will start to become more aware of their own strengths.

5. Labelling a child as ‘bad’
   • A child repeatedly told they’re ‘bad’ will likely internalise and come to believe that idea.

6. Collapsing into ‘learned helplessness’
   • We need to talk with a friend or relative, possibly attend a positive parenting course to improve our parenting skills.

7. Isolating yourself because of your child’s behaviour
   • Instead of battening down the hatches, we need to seek support.

8. Holding on to anger
   • We need to move from anger to forgiveness. Use positive attention to their negative attention.

9. Being overly authoritarian
   • Steamrolling will provoke active or passive resistance. We need to move from ‘my way or the highway’ to more listening, talking and negotiation.

10. Being overly permissive
    • Children need limits and boundaries. They feel more secure. Have the courage to take on little battles.

You can read more on Joseph’s recommendations at https:// www.rnz.co.nz/national/ programmes/ninetonoon

River City Press 20/8/20